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Will Rogers--everyone is ignorant, only in different subjects.

Whoopie Goldberg--When you hate, the one it hurts is you.  The person you hate doesn't know it and if they did know, they don't care.

Terry Fulton--it is much easier to hate someone than to love them.  To love them means you will be hurt at some time and then you must integrate that hurt into your life.

 

 

An English Major's Delight

WORDS TO CONFOUND THOSE TRYING TO LEARN OUR LANGUAGE!

1. We polish the Polish furniture.
2. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
3. A farm can produce produce.
4. The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
5. The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
6. The present is a good time to present the present.
7. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
8. The dove dove into the bushes.
9. I did not object to the object.
10. The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
11. The bandage was wound around the wound.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow how to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19. I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can i intimate this to my most intimate friends?
22. I spent last evening  evening out a pile of dirt.

 

The School of Hard Knocks!

Here is a list of 11 rules of life that many high school and college graduates never seem to learn.  In his book, Bill Gates talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings have created a full generation or more of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.
1. Life is not fair, get used to it.
2. The world won't care about your self-esteem.  The world will expect you to accomplish BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
3. You will NOT make $40,000 right out of high school or college.
4. You won't be vice president with a car phone until you earn both.
5. If you think your teacher was tough, wait till you get a boss.  He doesn't have tenure.
6. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your grandparents had a different word for flipping burgers; they called it opportunity.
7. If you mess up, it's not your parent's fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
8. Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.  They got that way paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are.  So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room.
9. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not.  In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer.  This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
10. Life is not divided into semesters.  You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.  Do that on your own time.
11. Television is not real life.  In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and to to jobs.
12. Be nice to nerds.  Chances are you'll end up working for one.